Prayer for the day

Lord,

Tonight I am full of fear and anxiety. I know to find relief I need to relinquish everything to you. I need to trust you. Please help me to relinquish my worries about the new promotion an my family. As I'm sure you know...MONEY is my biggest worry right now. Please Lord teach me to handle finances in a way that honors you. Help me, Lord.

I trust you and I relinquish.

My favorite song

This is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO worth a listen.

IT'S BEEN A LONG, LONG TIME

Man....it has been a long time. Every year about this time I decide that I'm going to journal religiously and sort through my thoughts about life. It usually lasts about a week. This is me starting to journal again & promising myself (& anyone who might be interested) to continue.

Today...it is stress, as it always is that brings me back to this journal. What do I have to be stressed about someone on the outside looking it might ask. Life looks pretty good from the outside. Inside...I'm struggling.

I'm about to get a promotion at work. While it is exciting & will pay more...it is also very scary. It will be my first supervisory position. I'll be the "department lead" and be the lead for the nursing area of our clinic. I work in an office full of women. Some of whom have been there longer than me....NEED I SAY MORE.

Money...we are behind in bills for the first time in years. The new promotion will help that. I always get a Christmas bonus from the physician I work with. My granny usually send us some money. I guess what I'm trying to say here is I know I can catch up...but can this be the year when I finally get it together & we get shit paid off. Can this be the year where we won't be scrambling at the end of month.

Parenting...I've decided while there are periods of calm there is never an end to the worry about raising decent human beings. There is always worry about being able to provide the basic needs for our children as they grow...food, shelter, clothing, love & joy.

All of these tie together because they make me who I am...they make my family what it is...this is my life.

Will it ever feel right again?

Church

Tonight's church service was ok. The songs weren't
ones that I knew really well so singing wasn't quite
the rush it normally is. The sermon was Faith is Reaching
Out. It was a great sermon about no longer "walking by"
those who don't know the Lord. It was about loving one
person until they come to know how much the Lord loves
them. It was a great sermon.

However, it kind of took away from it when they started
talking about building on to current worship center. I'm
not sure why, but it bothered me. Almost like a set up.
I know that was not his intention, but it just didn't set
right with me.

Those of you who don't know the Lord: I pray there is
someone in your life living with the Lord in their heart.
Watch them. They are certainly not perfect. But they are
loved & because they are loved they are pure, true & honest.
You too can experience that love. Ask. They will tell you.

Just another day

Oh man am I tired tonight. It has been one heck of a
week. Let's see....we start with Tuesday. My son
fractured his ankle. Good thing I work for an orthopedic
surgeon...and the day the school called my doc happened
to be on call. Still...you never want your kiddo to be
hurt. The school called me & I had just walked in the
door from lunch. The xrays show an evulsion fracture of
his left ankle (through the growth plate). He was a hard
kid to cast too. We ended up having to cast him 4 times
to get it right. Incredible we just couldn't get his
ankle into 90 degrees. But at least he can walk
now....albeit slow.

Tuesday night (when he was in a cast that he couldn't quite
walk in)...he got sick in the middle of the night. I don't
remember holding the can while kids puke being in the
parenting contract (ha ha).

Wednesday while doing the laundry I discovered that my 11 year old daughter had started her period. We had to have the talk & go shopping....the whole nine yards. I so wasn't ready for this. I guess I knew it was coming, but I thought maybe I had a year or so.

AAAAACCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

The mother's primal scream!

Friday

I like Friday's. Especially Friday afternoons. There
usually aren't many physicians in so CM & I have such
fun. We laugh, goof, & occasionally get work done as
well. Today I didn't get enough done, but I sure had
a good time.

We've acquired another animal....just what we needed.
This one I haven't invited into the house, but a kitty
showed up outside our door. I got one of the dog kennels
out and placed a blanket in it. Put some food and water
out for it. It sure loves to be scratched, but not too
excited about being picked up. I guess we'll see how
long it will stick around.

Well, I'll try to add some more pictures.

Just a few pictures from my life.

It is a numeric life: Marriage and life span

It is a numeric life: Marriage and life span

Today with Emily: Quotes of the Day

Today with Emily: Quotes of the Day


This has some great quotes!

The Dormitory Boys: I Want It That Way

The Dormitory Boys: I Want It That Way

Almost the weekend

My daughter was ill again today so I worked 1/2 day and
came home this afternoon to be with her. We took a nap
together and relaxed. She is feeling much better today.

Work gets a little more interesting everyday. Women...a
room full of them...need I say more? Sounds like the
physicians are starting to understand why we are not as
accessible as they want us to be. Guess they should have
listened to us for the last 6 months to a year when we
spelled out the problem for them. Peeons...that would be
us.

Watching Will & Grace live tonight. It seems
different.....not like a TV show, but a videotape of a
play...somehow not as good. Sounds crazy...I know.

Tomorrow is Friday....thank goodness for small miracles.
I am ready for the weekend. I need to catch some zzzs.
Of course part of the reason I'm so stinkin' tired lately
is because I've been without my thyroid medication for almost
two weeks. Pure laziness. I didn't want to look for them
when I dropped them underneath the headboard of the
bed.....when I did I found out the dog chewed them. I
called for a refill & have not picked it up. Laziness.

Perhaps I'm jinxing myself right now.

Another Day.....No Dollar

What a day. I'm not even sure why I've said that. It's
wierd to be journaling online & to know that people can
read it. Seeing as I started journaling on the computer
so I didn't have to worry about my husband reading it.
That caused a lot of problems in the past. Of course that
was my fault....the stuff I was journaling about. We live
and we learn. Strangely enough the results turmoil was the
one thing that my marriage needed. We emerged on the other
side stronger, more in love & in an actual marriage. Since
that time we have grown together and I am very thankful for
that.

Today my daughter wanted to stay home for a special
mother/daughter day. She did, but now she is not feeling well.
My guess is she will be ill tomorrow so I'll have to come home
after our morning offices. Good thing my doc is on call that
way I can spend the afternoon with her. She doesn't get sick
very often, but when she does she gets really sick....she's
just like her father in that regard.

I spent most of the day cleaning out the spare room downstairs.
We are going to move our daughter's bedroom downstairs. That
way she'll have some privacy from her brothers and we'll turn
her bedroom into a playroom. That will be a good change.

There are no good TV shows on
anymore....AAAACCCCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss good TV.
There is like one or two shows anymore. Guess I could find
something more productive to do with my evenings.

Sunday

I should be exhausted....I was up most of the night having
a "discussion" with my husband. All is well. Just a day in
marriage if you know what I mean.

My boys are running around laughing & generally being LOUD.
Good kids for the most part. My daughter is very quietly
playing the game boy in her room. I love Sundays.

I haven't even read the paper yet....after breakfast we went
to the grocery store...well...we went to Wal-Mart. I bought
a pair of work pants although they are a size bigger. That
was part of the discussion last night. I've got to find some
willpower here. I've done it before...then binge eating returns.
And we start the change all over again.

Life is good.