IT'S BEEN A LONG, LONG TIME

Man....it has been a long time. Every year about this time I decide that I'm going to journal religiously and sort through my thoughts about life. It usually lasts about a week. This is me starting to journal again & promising myself (& anyone who might be interested) to continue.

Today...it is stress, as it always is that brings me back to this journal. What do I have to be stressed about someone on the outside looking it might ask. Life looks pretty good from the outside. Inside...I'm struggling.

I'm about to get a promotion at work. While it is exciting & will pay more...it is also very scary. It will be my first supervisory position. I'll be the "department lead" and be the lead for the nursing area of our clinic. I work in an office full of women. Some of whom have been there longer than me....NEED I SAY MORE.

Money...we are behind in bills for the first time in years. The new promotion will help that. I always get a Christmas bonus from the physician I work with. My granny usually send us some money. I guess what I'm trying to say here is I know I can catch up...but can this be the year when I finally get it together & we get shit paid off. Can this be the year where we won't be scrambling at the end of month.

Parenting...I've decided while there are periods of calm there is never an end to the worry about raising decent human beings. There is always worry about being able to provide the basic needs for our children as they grow...food, shelter, clothing, love & joy.

All of these tie together because they make me who I am...they make my family what it is...this is my life.

Will it ever feel right again?